Ryanair to charge for air on planes

Following news today that Ryanair are investigating the possibility of charging people £1 to go to the toilet on Ryanair flights, Ryanair are keeping quiet over concerns that they might in future turn of the air systems in the planes and instead charge people to use oxygen masks instead.

A senior Irish self publicist said on TV at every possible opportunity between repeating lies that Ryanair are the best airline in the world that "if we can get away with charging people for a call of nature when they have no alternative but to use aircraft toilets then why shouldn't we extend this to the air on the planes itself ? Remember, Ryanair don't give a toss about the customer, all we care about is profits and if we can get away with it, we'll do it".

Further future options Ryanair have considered are:

1) Introducing a new more expensive ticket for higher class customers. These tickets will be called "Cattle Class", and passengers will be treated the same as existing customers but importantly, will not have the put up with standing in queue with the plebs in the standard "Pleb Class" that already exists.
2) Seats will be stripped of covers with passengers asked to sit on bare springs. Passengers can pay an extra £10 for a velcro cover which they will be expected to give back at the end of the flight.
3) Passengers willing to travel naked will not be charged the full £4 charge (per journey each way) that debit card customers are charged and will, instead be charged just £3.87 per flight, saving a whole £13 pence.


Anonymous said...

I post as Anonymous for a good reason here - in that I dont want idiots annoying me.

I am a reasonably regular passenger on Ryanair and a passenger that just so happens to suffer from an illness that may mean, although it hasnt personally, having to go to the toilet a few times on a flight.

Im sure anybody else in Britain with Crohns, Colitis or any other illness that may require going to the toilet will also be concerned with this move - if it happened to be true.

If it is true then any of us toilet users will get a BA, BMI or even a eazyjet flight in the future.

Id like to think that Ryanair would re-consider their position - if it happens to be true.

Norfolk Blogger said...

I would imagine that even the Irish self publicist who seems always to be on TV ignoring people's concerns about how Ryanair rip people off over using debit cards and charging excessively for luggage might, in this case, have realised he has gone one step too far.